Bandana nailed it …

So the other day, I received a very succinct e-mail from Bandana. I was opening up my e-mail one morning, and there was a message with the subject line: “that”.

This could mean a lot of things: Somebody found or witnessed something that involved bodily excretion of some sort in the alley behind The Rail; her husband Hot Pockets made a technological breakthrough in the consumption of burritos; Gibby figured out a new way to lose money to shiny lights and loud noises; Rick lost another piece of his anatomy — the list goes on and on.

With trepidation I slowly hit the Enter key to see what it said. And it said this:

“Hamms hat website is woefully behind….Just sayin’.”

With a figurative slap in the face and a kick in the nuts I realized what a shockingly egregious thing I had allowed to transpire. This simply will not do. It reminded me of a time back in September of last year when Low End won a Hamm’s Hat. Low End refuses to wear Hamm’s Hats, and so this lonely Hamm’s Hat …

… just sat there by its lonesome wishing that someone would place it lovingly on a head. Any head. Please? A sad day indeed.

And so I’ve realized that to fully keep this carefully sown tradition of over 37 years continuing, I need some help. Consequently I’ve enlisted the assistance of Hoss and River Rat to help out with the chores and provide updates so that when I’m lapsing, my pals and fellow Hamm’s-keteers will continue with the posting of the Hamm’s Hat-iness.

So without further ado, please help me in welcoming them to the arduous, but oh so rewarding, task of making this “blog” (I fucking hate that word) everything it’s meant to be.


And speaking of Wildman, if you see him, buy him a beer. Cuz he did something the other day that all of us have been wanting to do for a loooong time. And if you don’t know what that is, well, ask Hoss or River Rat or pretty much any of the regulars.


Here’s a fine fellow who insisted that his head was bigger than a 30-pack. While I wasn’t about to disagree with him — pretty sure his beard alone could kick my ass — he did look pretty good sporting a fine “Hamm’s Hat” Hamm’s Hat.

He also had some rather interesting observations on the Fast And The Furious franchise — in particular, the chronology of said movies in case you’re into that sort of SMASHY SMASHY … *ahem* sorry … thing.


So here we go: The chronology of the Fast And The Furious franchise, as deduced by Bootleg:

99% of 6
90% of 3
Remaining 1% of 6
Remaining 10% of 3.

So there you have it. He also added that 2 & 3 are forgettable, but for full enjoyment you have to see 3, no matter how inexplicable it is. Hoss says “no on 4.” It was further postulated that the whole point of the franchise is to get folks (men) to wear Axe Body Spray. Low End could not be reached for comment.

Who said this blog wasn’t educational? Pfft. Luddites.