Frat Formal 2013


Sure … there’s the Oscars, there’s the Grammys, there’s even the Nobel Prize celebration. All of have these have lasted for decades, and, well, so has the Pi Omega Omega Formal, which dates back to 1372. I think it was Pope Gregory the XI, who, after downing a couple shots of rail gin, said unto-est Moose, “do that shit.”

And so, Moose did, and low and behold, we have this wonderful tradition that has spanned countless bars centuries. I shit-est thou not.

This year the festivities were held at work. And when I say “work”, I mean, of course, none other than the venerable Brass Rail. DJ Otter was on the beats, Tumbleweed and Hideout were bartending, …

… and everyone was, OF COURSE, dressed to the nines enjoying their respective wives. There were also some new inductees into the frat, including, but not limited to: Tyrant, Hi-ho Silver (not sure about that one …), and Lightning, the last of which was bestowed on Greg, the only man I know who will wait outside the Rail at 8:45a in freezing cold weather for a Pepsi. Believe me when I say — Fu Dog doesn’t open them doors til 9 o’clock SHARP.

Let’s begin:

Here’s Hoss and Gibby. Hoss is being Hoss; Gibby is being, well, Gibby.

Trent and Cool-whip looking quite regal … nice tie!

New York, Moose, Cool-whip, and Skater lookin’ sharp.

Gibby & Skid, cuttin’ a rug …

Steakhouse & Margarita …

Big Black! … amongst others.

But hands down, the real winner of the evening was none other than Slim Jim himself. Seriously: Formals have been held ALL over town. So the last thing anyone expected was when Mr. Yamamoto himself strutted in WEARING A GODDAMN FUCKING SUIT. Sans hat; sans belt (of the red variety); sans stapled to plastic packing material. And I cannot stress this enough: KEITH WAS THE MAN OF THE HOUR.


Pssht. I don’t get it. That doesn’t add up.

So … Apple makes iPhones, and HP makes printers, right?

He almost looks like he’s smiling (i.e., not confused) in this shot with Bermuda …

There is a running theory that Keith has an IQ of 172, and his perpetual puzzlement is all an act. Judging by how he looked that night, there may be some truth to that.

Yaaaaaaay, Slim Jim!

And last but not least, there was a fucking Hamm’s Hat. Once again, relevance prevails.


It keeps getting better and better.

Welcome to August. And what better way to launch the birth of a new month but with one of the best Hamm’s Hats yet to date. I would have never imagined the lengths folks would go to in their quest for the ultimate Hamm’s Hat … I swear the thing has a life of its own.

And so, I present to you, the Hamm’s Hat Hamm’s Hat, lovingly crafted by Hoss himself. He laments that the ‘S’ is backwards, but really. I think we can throw out the opinion of the East German judge and give this one a solid 10, baby!! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to Mickey D’s, down some Buds, and hit up Subway with Apollo Ohgosh.

Speaking of fuckez vous …

Here we see a Hamm’s Hat. Yup. That’s a Hamm’s Hat, alright … wait a minute … it has horns like that other Hamm’s Hat. WAIT! Those aren’t horns! That Hamm’s Hat is giving me the finger! TWICE!

Yes, that’s right … this is arts ‘n crafts at its finest brought to you by Hoss, who took the horns concept to its inevitable conclusion … I gotta say — we got some real talent around here.

And here it is in all its glory:

Viking 1! (No, not the Mars probe …)

Oh man — Trevor hit gold with this one. Using his craftsmanship tools to great aplomb we see our beloved Hoss wearing his Hamm’s Hat as some sort of viking helmet. Impressive to say the least. Not only does it look awesome, but those horns don’t exactly cut themselves. To get them all nice and symmetrical-like, you gotta have some skillz. Having a delicious cool Hamm’s also assists in one’s endeavors.

Here’s a side view:

Hoss’ reward for a job well done:

This work of art is so breathtakingly awesome, it’s earned its own rightful place watching over the drunks patrons at The Rail. Take that Mo‘ai!!

Good times.

Hamm’s Belt! (dot com)

Yeah, I know — it’s about time. I’ve been negligent in my Hamm’s Hat Posting Responsibilities (HHPR), and I blame the hotter-than-hell weather and my own lazyness. So without further ado, here is Hoss wearing what has to be the coolest belt I’ve ever seen. Waaay cooler than Batman’s uility belt, or the Hulk’s utility belt, or Johnny Storm’s utility belt, or … ok — I’m way out of my graphic novel league here — I’m sure Hoss can help me out. Anyway, I’d also like to add that this is the 101st post, which in itself makes me awestruck because I have the attention span of a squirrel. Cubs win! Cubs win!