Ok, kiddies … gather ’round. Uncle Coulter here to tell you how to make a Hamm’s Hat. With a snip-snip here, and a pasty-paste there … (this is beginning to sound like a vasectomy how-to, but I digress …)

… and there you have it. Place on thoust head and commence drinkitude forthwith. Huzzah! And PLEASE … clean up your table scraps or no recess for you, young man.