Monthly Archives: January 2013

BREAKING NEWS …

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Say what!?

Holy fucking fuck. So I stumbled walked into the bar and calmly planted my ass on my favorite stool, ordered my usual, and I hear some words that I pretty much just ignored. I then ordered my usual AGAIN, and once more … I’m hearing just BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH … I mean what the fuck. C’mon, man … Finally, I decide, well, maybe I should actually pay attention to what I’m being told since I still have yet to have a beer in front of me.

“We have no Hamm’s.”

“Say what, mother-fucker?”

“Talk to the distributor.”

Holy fucking fuck. Yes, I said it again. The Rail is out of Hamm’s. Now you could order a buttery Hamm’s, but, well, that’s your choice.

One funny outcome, however, is that River Rat decided to announce this on The Brass Rail, uh, “announcement board” — for lack of a better term — and instead of writing “No Hamm’s”, he wrote “No Hamm’s Hats”. When questioned about this, he thought about it for a second and realized that he just kind of wrote it without thinking about it. I find this amusing and poignant at the same time.

So there you have it. Stay tuned for further details.

Or not.

Oh, and P.S.: New chips. So you got that goin’ for ya.

Would you like a beer barrel with that?

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Who you callin' a soda, jerk?

Here’s River Rat serving up some delicious tasty aluminum goodness for a happy patron. And look at that — he decided to dress for the occasion. Now I must confess I don’t know the whole story behind this particular shot — this pic was forwarded on to me by the lovely Margarita — but I assure you he ain’t opening up that can for himself. Oh no no no … there is absolutely NO drinking behind the bar. (There are also no Matties allowed behind the bar, but that’s a different story.)

Not only is that a despicable unlawful practice in and of itself, but if a Brass Rail bartender were to make such a foolish move, the camera would slowly pan to a shot of Fu Dog sitting in his recliner, taking a nap, when all of a sudden his eyes would suddenly burst open with laser beams shooting forthwith. Word to the wise: Don’t mess with Fote. He can kill you WITH HIS MIND. True dat. I saw it once.