Eetz Not A Tooom-ah!

So here’s Brick who made himself a nice Predator Hamm’s Hat. At least that’s how I interpreted this. See the mandibles? Although his left one looks a little limp. Maybe he should go see a Predator dentist. I really don’t know how that all works. Invisalign? Huh? What?

Hamm’s, uh, Helmet?

So here I am trying to do the Superman thing. (Pay no attention to the fact that my legs are vertical, or that they are in contact with the floor.) I was kinda going for some kind of wind-tunnel hat thing, but it didn’t really pull off like I had hoped.

Here I am banking right …

… and now I’m flying to the jukebox so I can use my X-ray eyeballs to burn a hole in that insidious diabolical contraption from hell. But I digress. (No I don’t — I hate that fucking thing. I’d rather play the ATM machine.)

Dragon Dan!

Well, things keep getting more and more interesting. I don’t know if I should be titillated, or run screaming, but we’ve *ahem* created a monster.

Yes, our good buddy Dan made a “Dragon” Hamm’s Hat. At least that’s what I was told it was … It’s clearly some kind of evil looking monster complete with sharp pointy fangs and a forked tongue. Impressive indeed. Here’s another shot of it:

But it ain’t a Hamm’s Hat, if it ain’t a hat, so let’s get on with it.

“Oops — I dropped something.”

This shit’s getting cray-zee!!

Speaking of fuckez vous …

Here we see a Hamm’s Hat. Yup. That’s a Hamm’s Hat, alright … wait a minute … it has horns like that other Hamm’s Hat. WAIT! Those aren’t horns! That Hamm’s Hat is giving me the finger! TWICE!

Yes, that’s right … this is arts ‘n crafts at its finest brought to you by Hoss, who took the horns concept to its inevitable conclusion … I gotta say — we got some real talent around here.

And here it is in all its glory:

Bud Hat plus bonus Bud VEST!

And so began a typical drunkfest day at The Brass Rail, and we see here the venerable Boilermaker wearing a very stylish Bud Hat. But this wasn’t just any ordinary, day … oh no. YouTube was invented! So here below we see a video of Matt doing a little dance. A Bud Hat dance, if you will. To wit:

It kinda sounds like he’s singing that Boner Pills song. Here he goes again, except this time he starts making that bizarre whistling sound that only he can make:

But here’s where things REALLY get good … Matt, in a stroke of genius, turns his Bud Hat into a Bud Vest! That’s Margarita there with the assist.

Success! Genius, I tell you — pure genius.

Sheer and utter brilliance. Not to mention something to wear out on a Saturday night. Just sayin’. And without further ado, a Bud Vest dance.

(What exactly is he doing with his finger?)

Viking 1! (No, not the Mars probe …)

Oh man — Trevor hit gold with this one. Using his craftsmanship tools to great aplomb we see our beloved Hoss wearing his Hamm’s Hat as some sort of viking helmet. Impressive to say the least. Not only does it look awesome, but those horns don’t exactly cut themselves. To get them all nice and symmetrical-like, you gotta have some skillz. Having a delicious cool Hamm’s also assists in one’s endeavors.

Here’s a side view:

Hoss’ reward for a job well done:

This work of art is so breathtakingly awesome, it’s earned its own rightful place watching over the drunks patrons at The Rail. Take that Mo‘ai!!

Good times.