{"id":955,"date":"2013-02-28T08:03:56","date_gmt":"2013-02-28T14:03:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/?p=955"},"modified":"2013-04-11T21:06:25","modified_gmt":"2013-04-12T02:06:25","slug":"wtf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/?p=955","title":{"rendered":"WTF."},"content":{"rendered":"

And now in the realm of completely inexplicable things, there’s been this strange phenomenon at “Work”, as opposed to “The Library”, “The Marriage Counseling Center”, or “Church.” (Ed.: If you don’t what the fuck I just said, ask Moose.) Anyway, one day I’m sitting at the The Rail, and River Rat yanks out this gigantic bottle of Hawaiian Punch from the cooler. I don’t think I’ve seen that shit since I was 12. Or 38. Who knows. So I ask, “what the fuck?” River Rat proceeds to explain that someone brought in a whole bunch of Hawaiian Punch. It might have been Tumbleweed, I don’t recall.<\/p>\n

“What do you mean a whole bunch?”<\/p>\n

“I mean a whole bunch.”<\/p>\n

To wit:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Note Big Black looking on in curiosity. And what the hell is that middle one. Hawaiian Punch Light<\/em>!? Seriously? Sure — instead of feeding your kids scoopfuls of sugar, let’s just pump them up with artificial chemicals instead.<\/p>\n

“Here”, River Rat says, as he polishes off a pony of punch …<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

“Yah know, River Rat … that would make an excellent hat.”<\/p>\n

“Indeed it would, Steakhouse, indeed it would.”<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

And there you have it. Is there nothing The Rail can’t do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And now in the realm of completely inexplicable things, there’s been this strange phenomenon at “Work”, as opposed to “The Library”, “The Marriage Counseling Center”, or “Church.” (Ed.: If you don’t what the fuck I just said, ask Moose.) Anyway, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[53,35,54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=955"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1072,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/955\/revisions\/1072"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hamms-hat.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}